"I know you lost the game, but that ref was really being unfair. You would've won if he called those fouls."
"Don't worry. I'll call your teacher. You had a rough day and that F shouldn't count against you. I'll talk to him to get a make-up. That wasn't fair you had to take the exam then."
"You should be able to hang out and have fun. That's way to much work for a student to try and complete."
"A majority of you failed this portion of the exam, so I'm going to put these questions on the next test so you get a second chance. If you do well on the next test, we won't count this grade."
"You get to throw away the worst of your grades for the semester. Only the top 4 tests count."
You see it over and over and over. But here is where the problem lies. As a society, kids are growing up not knowing how to fail. And instead of letting them fall flat on their faces, pick themselves up, dust themselves off and learn from it, we're adapting how we cater to them. We are completely changing our ways to prevent the big F word from entering their vocabulary.
The other thing is, I'm not that far removed from a lot of the students I'm talking about. But I honestly can say, the things I failed at taught me more then the things I was successful with. I wanted to come into education to help students, I wouldn't have gotten here without failing at least a few times.
Failure Example 1: When I was in high school I went to an amazing leadership camp for a week. I wanted nothing more then to return to the camp as a counselor. Counselor positions were open to those who completed the camp. The day the applications came out I was giddy with excitement. I thought for sure I could get a position. I submitted the application, I went to the interview and 2 weeks later I got the letter saying, "We're sorry, we have gone with someone else..." at the same time my best friend got the "Congratulations!" letter. I was devastated.
What it taught me: Don't always count on getting a position. Also, you truly can be happy for someone who gets what you've really wanted, even when you don't. It taught me to control my jealousy. It made me re-evaluate how I was presenting myself. It made me think about why I didn't get the position. And more then anything it made me realize that even with that failure I still wanted to work with people and help them develop.
Failure Example 2: I applied to 3 grad schools after Arcadia. The top of my list was University of Delaware. One of my best friends was going there for a different program. It was a quick drive/train ride to Glenside where I went to grad school. It was an awesome program. Everything I wanted was at Delaware. I got an interview. It made me really excited. I felt like I was clicking with the staff really well. Then a couple months later, I got the "We're sorry we only have so many spots and we're offering it to other people" letter. I read the letter while I was at lunch with a friend. Only to be immediately asked by a staff member who went to Delaware if I got in. I had to leave. I went back to my room, luckily done with classes for the day. I honestly sobbed my eyes out for about 2 hours. I fell asleep for a bit from pure exhaustion. I didn't go to dinner that night. I cried with my friends that night. I honestly can't explain how crushing that was.
What it Taught Me: Sometimes your dreams do get crushed. But that's when you have to re-evaluate them and see how you can still reach your goal, in a new way. I was accepted to my last choice school. I applied because I had a friend who went there from Arcadia and got in. We had similar backgrounds, the biggest different she was a sociology major, I was a psychology major. I did not want to go there, but I wanted to work in student affairs. So I went. To be openly and perfectly honest. I absolutely hated, HATED Clemson my first year there. I wasn't happy. I looked into other grad programs, I seriously considered dropping out. Actually made a pro/con list. I shared this with no one. Until a day when one of my cohort members told me he probably wasn't coming back after the holiday break. We met for lunch. We talked about what was going on. I told him he wasn't alone. I told him when I chose to stay. Because working in a college was that important to me. Well, after Christmas he came back. Things didn't really get easier the next semester. I was very silently just as miserable. The summer was rough. I think I worried some of my friends there. Then I visited my Arcadia people that summer. While it made me incredibly sad to leave and almost hate Clemson even more for being far from them...it also was the refresher that I needed. Things picked up after that. I started making more connections or well better connections. I started liking my job more and more. I started trusting people there more and more. I made some friends that I know will last a lifetime. And I started dating Terence. That's when I started to love Clemson. That's when I started to value the education I was receiving. I had hands on experience with nearly everything I was learning in the classroom. I'm incredibly thankful I landed there and so happy I decided to stay. It taught me that things can get better and it reinforced learning from failure is sometimes the best learning there is.
Those are just a few examples. There are many more. I'm not ashamed to admit my failure, because it taught me some of life's biggest lessons.
So here's to hoping these students fail. Here's to hoping it teaches them everything. Because again, I honestly don't believe you can succeed until you fail.
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